2 minute twilight
by icanseeclearlynow
Summary: Some people haven't read Twilight. So that they could enjoy the numerous Fanfics, I published my quick, yet in depth summary of it. And yes, i know its more like 5 minutes than 2 minutes. Fun even if you have read the book.


Me: ok  
Me: so there's this chick who lives in Arizona  
Me: who's moms all like  
Me: I love a minor league baseball dude  
Me: and like  
Me: his job in the minor leagues  
Me: is SOOOO important  
Me: so you're going to forks  
Me: to live with your dad  
Me: and the girls like  
Me: ok  
Me: and so she's gets there  
Me: and its all rainy  
Me: all the time  
Me: and her dads like  
Me: hey  
Me: I'm awkward  
Me: and she's like  
Me: I'm super clumsy  
Me: because he just is  
Me: and so she goes to school  
Me: and she normally doesn't have any friends  
Me: but all the guys are super hormonal  
Me: and they're like  
Me: omg  
Me: make out with me  
Me: and she's like  
Me: um  
Me: no  
Me: but then she's sees 5 really really hot people  
Me: 2 chicks and 3 guys  
Me: but some girls like  
Me: no  
Me: they're all incestuous  
Me: except that guy  
Me: Edward  
Me: and the girls like  
Me: omg  
Me: I want him  
Me: and so she goes to bio  
Me: and he sits next to her  
Me: and she's like HI  
Me: and he's like  
Me: ROAR  
Me: I HATE YOU  
Me: LEAVE ME ALONE  
Me: and she's like  
Me: ok...  
Me: and so then he goes missing for a week  
Me: then he comes back  
Me: and is all happy  
Me: and like  
Me: HEY  
Me: WHATS UP  
Me: and he's like  
Me: ...  
Me: ok  
Me: and they become school buddies  
Me: after he saves her from a crazy car  
Me: that's about to hit her  
Me: and she's like  
Me: wtf just happened  
Me: and he's like  
Me: um  
Me: what are you talking about  
Me: Jedi mind trick  
Me: but she's like  
Me: no  
Me: I saw you  
Me: and he's like  
Me: SHUT UP BITCH  
Me: and she's like  
Me: ok  
Me: but only because I wanna lick your abs  
Me: and he's like what?  
Me: and she's like  
Me: um  
Me: nothing  
Me: so then they start hanging out  
Me: and one day, she goes to the beach, but he doesn't, cus he's weird like that  
Me: and she watches a green fire because they're all trippin balls  
Me: and some of them go off to watch starfish, because the green fire just isn't trippy enough for them  
Me: and some Indians come  
Me: not Indians like me and you, Indians like OOGA BOOGA WOOGA  
Me: Peace pipe neone?  
Me: and they're all like  
Me: it's cool  
Me: we got lsd  
Me: but you guys can chill with us  
Me: and one Bella sees one she kinda recognizes  
Me: and it turns out to be Lupin  
Me: and she's like  
Me: don't I know you?  
Me: and he's, yes, but to prevent JK Rowling from suing us.  
Me: we grew up together  
Me: and so someone randomly goes CULLENS DON'T COME HERE  
Me: Cullen is the last name of Edward and his peeps btw  
Me: and so the girls like, wtf, why  
Me: and so she bangs Lupin, aka, Jacob Black, so he'll tell her  
Me: and he's like  
Me: cus we're werewolves  
Me: and they're vampires  
Me: and we don't really like each other  
Me: and she's like, ok, w/e  
Me: so then her and her friend go to buy dresses  
Me:49 PM): and she's like  
Me: I'm emo  
Me: I'm gonna go off by myself  
Me: but 4 guys pop up  
Me: and are like  
Me: were gonna rape you  
Me: and she's like  
Me: o shit  
Me: but then the guy  
Me: who's name is Edward  
Me: pops in on his car  
Me: and she jumps in  
Me: and he's like  
Me: ROAR  
Me: TELL ME A JOKE  
Me: and she's like  
Me: um  
Me: I don't know any  
Me: so then she's like  
Me: wait  
Me: and he's like  
Me:27 PM): hold on  
Me: you almost got raped  
Me: let's go get pasta  
Me: and she's like  
Me: ...  
Me: ok  
Me: so they go to a restaurant  
Me: and she's like  
Me: hold on  
Me: how'd you know I was here  
Me: and he's like  
Me: I was stalking you  
Me: and she's like  
Me: I would be creeped out if I didn't totally wanna lick your abs  
Me: and he's like what?  
Me: and she's like I like to kick hags  
Me: and so then they drive home  
Me: and every day  
Me: he picks her up  
Me: and they eat together  
Me: and everybody's like  
Me: omg  
Me: she's so hot  
Me: and he's so hot  
Me: they're so hot  
Me: and so the guys like  
Me: I'm a vampire  
Me: and she's like  
Me: that's cool  
Me: and he's like  
Me: doesn't that creep you out  
Me: and she's like  
Me: I WANT TO LICK YOUR ABS  
Me: and he's like  
Me: what?  
Me:49 PM): and she's like  
Me: I have sick...bags  
Me: and he's like  
Me: yea  
Me: but I don't eat people  
Me: I eat bears  
Me: and mountain lions  
Me: and she's like  
Me: that's cool  
Me: and he's like  
Me: I know  
Me: and so they're in love and crap  
Me: and he takes her to a meadow  
Me: and jumps into the sun  
Me: and starts sparkling  
Me: and she's like  
Me: wait, are you a vampire or a fairy?  
Me: and he's like  
Me: a fairy  
Me: but then people think I'm gay  
Me: why the fuck do you think I'm dating you?  
Me: but for the sake of selling books  
Me: let's make me a vampire  
Me: so she's like  
Me: ok  
Me: and so then he runs around and starts throwing trees  
Me: then he's like  
Me: I wanna eat you  
Me: but I won't  
Me: because I love you  
Me: and she's like  
Me: why the hell do you love me?  
Me: and he's like  
Me: well A, because then people don't know I'm gay  
Me: and B, because you smell like you taste really really good  
Me: and she's like  
Me: of  
Me: ok  
Me: let's make out  
Me: and so they make out  
Me: but then he almost eats her  
Me: and is like  
Me: GOD DAMN IT  
Me: NO MORE MAKING OUT  
Me: but then they make out again  
Me: and so they go home  
Me: and he leaves  
Me: supposedly  
Me: but then he comes back into her window  
Me: because he's a fairy-vampire  
Me: and he can fly or something  
Me: and he's like  
Me: yea,  
Me: I've been stalking you  
Me: I watch you sleep  
Me: and she's like  
Me: I would be creeped out  
Me: but I wanna lick your abs  
Me: and he's like  
Me: what  
Me: and she's like  
Me: forget it  
Me:49 PM): were dating now  
Me: I wanna lick your abs  
Me: and he's like  
Me: sorry  
Me: you can't  
Me: because then we'd have sex  
Me: and id probably kill you  
Me: and eat you  
Me: so...no  
Me: and she's like  
Me: damn it  
Me: so then she goes and meets his family  
Me: and they're all vampires  
Me: and she's like  
Me: hi  
Me: and they're like  
Me: hi  
Me: except the really really hot blonde vampire  
Me: who's like  
Me: YOU STOLE MY BOYFREIND  
Me: and she's like...isn't he your brother?  
Me: and she's like...yes...but still  
Me: and apparently, Edwards brothers and sisters are all dating each other  
Me: but Edwards the odd one out  
Me: so then he goes and plays the piano  
Me: and is like  
Me: this is the song I wrote while stalking you  
Me: and she's like  
Me: ok  
Me: so then they go to her room  
Me: and he's like  
Me: IM GOING TO EAT YOUR  
Me: and his sister and brother run in and are like  
Me: CAN WE HAVE SOME  
Me: and he's like...  
Me: I was joking...  
Me: and they're like  
Me: ok  
Me: let's go play some baseball  
Me: and they're like  
Me: AWESOME  
Me: so they go  
Me: in a giant truck  
Me: and play super vampire baseball  
Me: which they run really fast  
Me: an hit really far  
Me: but then 3 new vampires pop up  
Me: and they're like  
Me: WE EAT PEOPLE  
Me: but they don't realize the girl is a person  
Me: but then they do  
Me: and one guy  
Me: named James  
Me: is like  
Me: ROAR  
Me: and Edwards like  
Me: ROAR  
Me: and they're both like  
Me: ROAR  
Me: and everyone's like ROAR  
Me: and then they're like  
Me: ok  
Me: we wont eat your girl  
Me:27 PM): but James is like  
Me: fuck that shit  
Me: and Edward can read minds  
Me: and is like  
Me: I read that shit  
Me: so we gotta save you Bella. I'LL ALWAYS PROTECT YOU!  
Me: so Bella flys to phoenix with the brother and sister who wanted to eat her  
Me: and she stays in a hotel room  
Me: for a bunch of days  
Me: and the other guys are like  
Me: yea  
Me: we kinda lost the hunter and his bitch  
Me: who're looking for you  
Me: because the other vampire left  
Me: and so they're like  
Me: shit  
Me: and so she calls her mom to be like  
Me: DONT COME HOME  
Me: A VAMPIRES STALKING ME  
Me: AND NOT THE GOOD STALKING  
Me: but the hunter vampire gets it  
Me: and is like  
Me: bleh  
Me: watch family videos  
Me: play onto phone  
Me: and calls the girl  
Me: so the girl thinks the moms talking  
Me: then he goes  
Me: blech  
Me: I have your mother  
Me: blech  
Me: come to this place  
Me: and she's like  
Me: I'm with fucking vampires  
Me: how the fuck am I supposed to escape  
Me: and he's like  
Me: blech  
Me: do it  
Me: and she's like  
Me: ok  
Me: and so she does  
Me: and goes to him  
Me: and he's like  
Me: blech  
Me: I tricked you  
Me: haha  
Me: and she's like  
Me: shit  
Me: I miss Edward  
Me: and he's like  
Me: blech  
Me: I'm gonna videotape you  
Me: and she's like  
Me: were making a porno?  
Me: and he's like  
Me: NO BITCH  
Me: DIDNT THYE TELL YOU VAMPIRES ARE GAY  
Me: and she's like  
Me: o yea  
Me: and he starts beating her up  
Me: and he's about to eat her  
Me: then Edward jumps in and bitch slaps him  
Me: and she gets super healed  
Me: and then her mom comes in and is like  
Me: is he beating you?  
Me: and she's like, OF COURSE HE'S BEATING ME, HE'S A GODDAMN VAMPIRE  
Me: so her mom's like  
Me: you should leave him  
Me: but she's all obsessed with him and crap so she's like  
Me: no  
Me: wait  
Me: I lied  
Me: I jumped out a window  
Me: so the mom's like o, that's cool  
Me: then they go home  
Me: and are like  
Me: yay  
Me: but she's like  
Me: turn me into a vampire fool  
Me: and he's like  
Me: um  
Me: no  
Me: and she's like shit  
Me: so then he takes her to prom  
Me: but she doesn't realize it until they're there  
Me: despite the fact that for the past 6 hours, Edwards sister's been dressing her up  
Me: and she's like  
Me: you asshole  
Me: and they dance  
Me: then the werewolf kid walks in  
Me: and is all like  
Me: yea  
Me: my dad was on some serious peace pipe  
Me: and he told me to tell you to be careful of Edward  
Me: and to tell you we'll be watching  
Me: and she's like  
Me: great, just what I fucking need, more stalkers  
Me: then Edward comes back from wherever the hell he was  
Me: and they go outside  
Me: and she's like  
Me: why the fuck are we at prom  
Me: and he's like  
Me: because I want you to be human  
Me: and she's like  
Me: being human sucks  
Me: turn me into a vampire  
Me: and he's like  
Me: BITCH NO  
Me: and the book ends  
Me: o yea, and it's twilight


End file.
